Why Scott REALLY wears glasses
by VIPER o and TheEvilCactus
Summary: **CHAPTER 2 UP** Ok, VIPER's chapter is now up for your reading pleasure. (That's a warning, hehehe) Anyways, thus ends the (not so) great story of why VIPER and :o) think Scott wears glasses.
1. Default Chapter

DISCLAIMER: I'll let you guess. Oh alright, they don't belong to us.  
  
THIS IS A COLLABORATION FIC BY :o) AND VIPER! SO IF IT'S ODD...WELL, IT'S ODD! Merci Beaucoup to our friend Brooke, who, in a way, inspired this fic- though she doesn't know it yet, heehee. The Ugly Stick belongs to her, I guess.  
  
  
  
PART 1- WRITTEN BY :o)  
  
When little Scott Summers was born, he looked like a normal baby. Ten fingers, eleven toes, outtie bellybutton, fauceps marks on the side of his head. You know, the usual. His parents, Katherine and Christopher loved their "liddle Scotty Wotty" dearly, and would do all the usual things that devoted parents did- for example, dropping him on his head, feeding him talcom powder, leaving him in his diapers for days to conserve. You know, the usual.  
  
Little did they know that he had been targeted by the ugly stick.   
  
Yes, the ugly stick. That formidable foe. Sure, it looked like a normal stick, rather bent and knobbly, with a few sharp twigs growing out of the sides- but this stick was evil. And it came into the world like this.  
  
A long time ago, in a forest far, far away, grew a black, evil tree. It was ugly, and twisted, and was actually the resting place of the Headless Horseman, though that has no relevance on the story, and shall not be mentioned again. Now, one day, the ugly tree was struck by lightning. A stick broke off, and somehow achieved sentience, while the rest of the tree burned. The ugly stick, woken after years of just 'hanging around', decided to make the world as ugly as it was, and went on an ugliness rampage.  
  
So, one day, when it saw Liddle Scotty Wotty in his stroller in the park, all alone, drooling in that disgustingly adorable baby way, it decided that this kid had to go. It was about to attack, just as Katherine returned from the mother she had been talking too.  
  
"Are you ready to go home now Scotty Wotty?" She cooed. "I think you are. Oh yes you are. Lets go home now." She rolled the stroller out of the park, managing to run over the ugly stick as she did it.  
  
The ugly stick, naturally, was furious at being thwarted. It was more determined than ever to make an ugly baby out of Scotty Wotty. So, it did the only thing it could do under the circumstances.  
  
Stalking.  
  
Wherever Liddle Scotty Wotty went, the ugly stick went too. Every time he won a baby pagent, the ugly stick was there to boo. Everytime Scotty Wotty ate, the ugly stick was off to the side in the long grass, binoculars up to his little twiggy eyes. It was waiting got the right moment. And one day, it came.  
  
Katherine was out at a meeting. Christopher was at home, looking after now 2 year old Scotty Wotty, and his new baby brother, Alex. Christopher was putting Alex to bed, and Scotty Wotty was in the lounge room, playing with his blocks.  
  
The ugly stick crept out from behind it's pot plant, and crept over to Scotty Wotty. Scotty stared at it, brown eyes wide an unsuspecting. A wisp of fine brown hair stuck up in all directions.  
  
"Hi." He said in a kiddy voice, and jammed his fingers in his mouth. A trickle of drool crept down his chin, and splashed onto his Sesame Street shirt, in that disgustingly adorable baby way.   
  
The ugly stick grinned evilly, in an evil twiggy way. This was going to be fun. So, it attacked.  
  
THWACK!   
  
THWACK!  
  
THWACK!  
  
Scotty Wotty began to scream loudly, and the ugly stick heard footsteps in the hall.   
  
"Curses! Foiled again!" it yelled, and quickly left the house, leaving his job half done. "I'll be back one day, to finish the job! You can count on it!" the ugly stick vowed.  
  
Christopher ran into the room, and stared at his two year old son.  
  
"Oh Dear Lord!" He cried out at the sight of the wailing toddler. For Scotty Wotty had been hit about the eyes by the ugly stick. And in a band surrounding his eyes, like a bad mask was pure, unrequited ugliness. Words can not describe how hideous he looked now.  
  
Christopher promptly fainted, and when Katherine came home later on, she found him lying on a heap on the floor, while Scotty Wotty drew on him with a Magic Marker.   
  
"Oh, Dear Lord!" She screamed when she saw her child.  
  
From that day onwards, Liddle Scotty Wotty became Scott Summers.  
  
*********************************ALASKA**************************************  
  
"Christopher, they're firing again!" Katherine cried out, terror in her voice. "And they've missed again!"  
  
"Damn those Shi'ar!" Christopher Summers yelled. "Can't even get one bloody assassination job right!"  
  
"Well, maybe if you stopped DODGING they could hit us!" Katherine screamed.  
  
The Summers family had "gone on vacation" in Alaska. (In reality, they had gone there to hide Scott from the rest of the world.) While there, Katherine, Christopher and Alex ran into a few aliens on a scouting mission. After witnessing Scott's ugliness first hand, all had decided they didn't want to live anymore, and hired the Shi'ar to blow up there plane, and their defective son.  
  
"It's just not fair. It's like some higher being doesn't want him killed!" Katherine sobbed, collapsing into the co-pilots seat.  
  
Christopher thought for a moment. "I have an idea. Though we will probably survive, and spend the rest of our lives being driven crazy at the memory, we can still spare Alex the misery, and kill the monster at the same time. Katherine, strap them both into our one conveniently remaining parachute, and throw them out, lighting the parachute as you do!"  
  
Katherine's jaw dropped. "Are you sure we can go on with the horror?"  
  
Christopher squeezed her arm reassuringly. "Maybe, someday, somehow, we'll forget. Ditch 'em."  
  
Tears of anguish running down her face at the prospect of remaining alive, she strapped her two sons into the one conveniently remaining parachute. "Goodbye Alex." She sobbed, kissing him on the forehead, and he hugged her.  
  
"What about me?" Scott asked hopefully, leaning up for a kiss, and Katherine shrunk away, a repulsed look on her face.   
  
"Umm, some other time." She said hastily. "Bye!" Then, she shoved both Alex and the Abomination out of the plane, hastily lightly the parachute with a match which she quickly struck. The two boys plummeted to the ground, flaming parachute floating above them majestically, and Katherine went back to the cockpit.  
  
"Maybe we'll die on impact!" Christopher said cheerfully. "Don't give up hope yet!"  
  
Suddenly, the Shi'ar beamed them out, as the plane nosedived into the dirt.  
  
  
About a kilometer away, the two brothers were falling to the ground, as there weakened parachute finally burnt into cinders. While Scott screamed, Alex laughed delightedly, and when they impacted with the ground, he fell into blissful unconsciousness. Scott also hit the ground, but managed to smash his head on a rock at the same time before also falling asleep. As a result, both were out cold when the police, alerted by the public in a nearby town to the flaming shape falling from the sky arrived.  
  
"Oh dear Lord, what is it!" One cop, Bill, said to his partner, as he kicked the hideous Summers. "It's some sort of monster!"  
  
His partner, Phil, came up behind him, and took a look. "Oh geez!" He yelled, looking away. "What the hell? That is safely the most hideous thing I've ever seen!"  
  
Bill walked over to the other shape lying on the ground. He rolled Alex over, and saw that he was smiling. "This ones normal. We should take them to the hospital."  
  
"Are you sure about that one?" Phil asked, kicking the prone Scott. "I don't know if the doctor's would treat him, considering that big band of ugliness over his eyes."  
  
After a big discussion, the two cops finally decided to take them both into town. They dragged them to the patrol car, and threw the two brothers in, then started up the car. They were nearly to the hospital, when Alex woke up. Immediately seeing his unconscious brother beside him, he began to scream, and the cops, alarmed, pulled over the car.  
  
"What is it?" Phil asked him.  
  
"My...bro..broth...brother!" Alex stammered. "He's supposed to be dead! So am I! Oh please, don't let me live!" With a cry of anguish, Alex opened the car door, and ran off into the woods. Bill started to get out to chase after him, but Phil held him back.  
  
"Let 'im go." Phil said solemly. "He knows what he's doing."  
  
So, Alex disappeared into the woods, and the two cops drove the hideous Scott Summers to the hospital. Dumping him in the lobby, they both ran out, and went home.  
  
For five hours, Scott lay crumpled on the floor of the lobby, while everyone tried to avoid him. One look at his hideous face had inspired them to stay right away. Finally, craftily using ten foot poles, the doctors managed to move him to a hospital room, and dumped him on a bed. When Scott woke up a few weeks later, he had no idea where he was, and had no recollection of his former life. The hospital dumped the ugly child in an orphanage, and he grew up there.  
  
That's where the ugly stick tracked him to, and it began to once again stalk Scott, waiting for the right moment to finish off it's job of making him completely ugly.  
  
*****************************************************************************  
  
Becca, now it's your turn. Good luck. And be kind to the poor readers :)  
  



	2. BEWARE! this chapter is written by VIPER

Disclaimer: I own everything, yes I own you etc etc etc  
Authors Note: okie dokes peoples, here it is, my part to the story. BWHAHAHAHAHA. I apologise now for the ghastly content that shall now plague fanfiction as I am the current author.  
SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG *hangs head in shame*  
Another Author's Note: GO YOU BIG RED FIRE ENGINE  
Dedication: I have chosen to dedicate my part of the story to Twiggy, Love ya darl  
  
Scott entered the orphanage and was greeted with gasps and disgusted stares. As he walked over to the sign in desk everyone cringed away from him, it wasn't only because of his attire, a frilly pink tutu he had accumulated in his wanderings, but also the horrific ugly band around his eyes. The ugly stick laughed gleefully as it saw this happening as the `Scotty Wotty' everyone had loved, was now spat at and alienated.   
After a few years at the orphanage and watching Scott preform in Phantom of the Opera, as none other than the phantom, of course in a pink tutu, the ugly stick finally decided to finish his original task. He peeked through the grass with his little beady eyes at Scott wanting to play basketball with everyone and getting the ball thrown at his face and acquiring a few fist marks all over his face.  
"Please let me plaaaaaaaaaaaaaay" whined Scott  
"Mutie, mutie, mutie" replied the intelligent boys with an extremely wide vocabulary  
"What's a mutie?" inquired the pathetically dumb Scott  
The other children ignored him, so Scott went and watched TV to find out.  
Meanwhile...the ugly stick watched, until he believed it was raining. The ugly stick turned as to see where the moisture was coming from, and met with the legs of a dog.  
"DAMN. Not again. Shoo doggy. Get away from me. Why is it that dogs see an unhealthy need to continuously `relieve' themselves on me?" complained the ugly stick, who I shall now affectionately name Twiggy.  
Twiggy continued to complain, when suddenly he was picked up.  
"WHAT THE...? I demand you release me at ONCE!"  
However the burly man who had captured Twiggy could not hear him.  
"Hey Jim, I found a GREAT piece of fire wood"  
"Fire wood..." gulped Twiggy  
Twiggy desperately; tried to escape from the two men who appear to have been making a fire... in the middle of American suburbia? Anyhoe, Twiggy's desperate attempts of whacking the two families, who incidentally were camping... in the middle of American suburbia? failed and Twiggy ended up as extremely sexy charcoal. Before he died though he bashed the two families and the became hideously ugly and went and lived in the sewers, and after much incest which made the children even uglier, the Morlocks were made/established whatever.   
  
DO NOT FEAR, TWIGGY MAY BE DEAD YET HE IS NOW SEXY CHARCOAL LIKE HE ALWAYS WANTED... AND... THE STORY IS NOT OVER!  
  
After finding out what mutants were Scott came up with a great idea * picture of Scott with a glowing lightbulb over his head can be seen *   
"I shall be the Tutu Avenger. I will make a mask out of pink frills and tie it around my face and then everyone will love me for I shall fight for the rights of miss worn tutu's all over the world! No more shall socks be shoved down men's tights to make their... uhh... EQUIPMENT look bigger, but they shall show their small packages for what they truly are, SMALL. And I shall be known as PACKAGE MAN THE TUTU AVENGER!"  
However much to Scott's dismay this plan failed because people labelled him gay and threw rocks at him as he kept shoving his hands down guys pants trying to `remove the socks'.  
So in the end Scott settled on plan B...  
"I'll buy a pair of glasses and some red laser beams and I'll pretend I have kinetic red beams or whatever coming out of my eyes * grumble grumble * I really wanted to be Package Man the Tutu Avenger * grumble grumble *.  
And so Scott left the orphanage when Professor X went and kidnapped him to be his play thing... I mean his student.  
Now you may be asking yourselves. "Thats a load of dooblysnogglewash (or something like that) how come stuff explodes when he fires his lasers?  
THAT can be explained. You see Scott is a VERY flatulent person and the excreting of air from his arse explodes things due to the shear power behind it.  
And if I must explain the smell... Scott blames it on Nightcrawler and says it's from Nightcrawler * BAMF *ing, either that or he blames it on the dog, like everyone else, so Jean gets the blame quite a bit. *g*   
  
SCOTT JUST HAS A FINAL WORD TO SAY  
"I'm a mutie and i'm ok. I sleep all night and I terrorise all day. I shoot out lasers, I wear high heels, suspenders and a bra, I put on women's clothing and hang around in bars" sings Scott  
"Scott stop singing and come give me some LUUUUUUUURVIN'"  
"Yes professor"  
  
So there you have it peoples, the real reason Scott wears glasses and the mystery behind it all.  
REST IN PEACE TWIGGY!  
Sorry if I just ruined ya story rach :P  
PLEASE REVIEW, EVEN IF YOU DO FLAME ME, JUST PLEASE REVIEW AND REVIEW TO VIPER.  
  
  
  



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